The Intellectual Terrorist

Nah little poufters*.
I have stumbled upon the basic misconception (!) that has led to this recent idea that men can or should, in some sense, "marry" men and women can or should "marry" women. This obviously monstrous absurdity can only have come about because some addle-pated "gays" (but I repeat myself) must not ever have been told the facts of life. They must be harboring the fond but biologically impossible hope that after they have whatever they consider an approximation of heterosexual sex, little poufters will suddenly, from some bodily orifice, emerge nine months or so later. Or maybe the new little addlepates will spring full-grown from their heads, like the gods and goddesses used to do. It reminds one of the pathos-soaked cargo cults of the Pacific Islanders, who after seeing US GIs call up on radios and have large airplanes full of trade goods descend, copied the GIs after they left, but with radios made of wood and vines for antennas. Needless to say, no C-47s full of Hershey bars and nylon stockings ever responded to these primitive entreaties.
The idea of marriage - and the fact I have to say this demonstrates the depths to which this discourse has descended - is to have children emerge that display a mixture of the characteristics of the husband and the wife. That is why a man looking for a wife carefully observes not only a woman's physical conformation but her intellectual shape and size as well. Does she have a good sense of humor? Ah, our child may share that. How jolly. Does she have flashing green eyes? Imagine a boy with my muscles and her eyes! He will be a great warrior and a triumphant conqueror of women! Is her mother a scold? Later, baby.
Perhaps it's understandable that those whose sexual "preferences" make it impossible for them to have a biological family would think that by standing up in front of a fake religious figure and going through a fake ceremony and having fake sex they can share some of the juju associated with the most basic relationship of the tribe of Man. But, as they say on MTV, get over it. Ain't gonna happen.
*reference is of course to the Constitution of Australia, which consists of two words: Nah poufters.